One Design for Everyone, Forever
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All references of race, worldviews, languages, bodies, minds, emotions, animals, and aliens are intended as satire. I personally hold no prejudice toward anyone.

When I took out my sketchbook purchased at a big box store that’s 8 1/2 x 11", I did so because it’s the only size everyone uses. I used a Bic pen because it’s universal. It fits perfectly into all of our four-fingered; one-thumbed hands and contrasts so against our light skin so we can see it better. We read the English branding on the pen just like everyone else in the world. When I click it against the wedding ring on my ring finger — sized for everyone—I feel a sense of relief, evaporated from all anxieties of discomfort.

Then, I began to design. I looked through my unisex glasses designed for everyone to see better with and when I wrote, my handwriting was legible for everyone, including those who read and write in Arabic, Mandarin, and Braille. The ink was chosen so even my colorblind dog can read it. I’m so happy in my stretchy t-shirt fitted for every child, woman, and man paired with a matching baseball cap with a plastic fitting mechanism on the back so it fits babies and those with pituitary adenoma. My design is liked by everyone in the world, including the blind, illiterate, and dyslexic. It was inspired by our environment. I live in Chicago, a city of glass, steel, and concrete—rich variations of gray… so, when I think of friends in rural Oregon, who have some of the greenest nature in the United States, I know they feel the design could’ve been created by someone who understands their aesthetic sensibilities most.

When I think of my clients, they’re all the same. Just a pocket of money asking me for the same design I sell to everyone. I don’t see a reason to revise it because it’s worked for 25 years now. 25 years is all it takes to know. I don’t use computers because tangible designs last longer than digital designs. If you want to use it, you’ll have to buy it from me in person. No shipping. It’s been presented on billboards, in virtual reality worlds, and used to represent every product and service ever offered, revealing the inside joke of vector graphics. Every artificial intelligence that’s tried to recreate it just jammed up.

I’m a purist, so the design will last forever. It is and will always be better and more relevant than everything else ever designed. It’s divine. All perfect things are divine. If your worldview doesn’t align with divinity or perfection, it’s okay because it’s still designed for you. It’s simultaneously designed for every individual and organization. It’s designed for every extraterrestrial being, including those in parallel universes. Time-travelers agree — it’s the best there is, ever was, and ever will be.

So, we’ve decided to close down the field of Graphic Design because everyone in the field has either become depressed or changed professions. Fortunately, my design is bringing people out of depression because it stimulates every feeling, dwarfing depression to a cakewalk.

One design for everyone, forever.